I don't have kids...so what?

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I wonder if I made the right decision. I have been in these kids' lives for almost three years now...how will it affect them if I walk away? What will they think? Part of me doesn't care...and part of me wants them to miss me and love me and want to hang out with me. Is that strange? I wish I could take things back sometimes because I don't feel a connection. I see tears and it doesn't rip my heart apart. I see a scrape and I have no sympathy. But I fight myself everyday to feel differently.

I try to have patience, to see things from a parent's eyes but I end up being resentful and knowing that if these were my kids then things would be very different...or would they? When someone says to you that you don't understand BECAUSE you don't have kids...it hurts. I was once a kid. I was once slapped in the face for talking back to my Mom...but now its called abuse. I was made to hold a small bar of soap on my tongue for saying a word my father thought was a cuss word, but now that's unacceptable. When will kids these days, kids with cell phones, laptops, ipods, and other gadgets, learn responsibility and accountability?? When will the punishment fit the crime? I get a kid talking back to me at least once a week and all I hear is that she is defending herself....well I'm not a school bully. I am one of two adults in the house. The only one adult who doesn't fall for the lies and manipulation. I see through it but am made to feel guilty about being "too aggressive". They don't know what NO means...but what happens when they grow up??