For years I had avoided all things children. I would avoid sitting next to families at restaurants, move seats at a movie theater, and even try to give the evil eye to any misbehaving children

that were in my line of site. It was never meant to be. I was destined to NOT have children and I passed my twenties with that in mind. I felt like I was robbed of my patience, held at gunpoint by my fears. I didn't follow that path, I wasn't financially stable, I wasn't ready. I sabotaged my relationships and ruined friendships. I used every excuse in the book and now karma is staring me in the face.

I knew that this would be the man I would marry from date #1. I didn't care that he had three kids from a previous marriage, I welcomed it. I wasn't worried about his living situation, I wanted to change that. I embraced everything that he was and wasn't because I felt like he was "the one". I waited patiently for him to come around. I never once revealed what I felt, because at that point he wasn't interested in anything serious. I dealt with only seeing him a few times a month the first three months we dated. I dealt with weekdays only because he had the girls on the weekends. I dealt with waiting patiently by the phone, hoping he would call or just stop by.

At some point he did finally come around but I got more than I bargained for. I realized that walking into his life, the life he knew and was accustomed to was going to be like walking on glass. Was I prepared for the fight? Was I prepared to be bloodied and ripped to shreds for the sake of love? Yes, because I knew that this was karma. I knew that somehow God wanted me to follow this path, to learn patience and love like I've never known before. This was my destiny and I had accepted it 1000%. I looked into the future like only a wife and mother could. I thought about homework and band practice, mowing the lawn, and having family parties at MY house.

Why now am I back-pedaling? Why now am I questioning my own loyalty to a life I haven't started living yet?